Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
