Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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