you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
