I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"it" just moved
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
