i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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