i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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