It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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