i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
