and she was petting her beer can
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
