I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
