so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
