3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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