I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
