It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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