He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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