You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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