you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
