Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm really busy with my period
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