they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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