It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He passed out mid-signature
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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