Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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