I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
