just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
