its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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