it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
