My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize