He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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