the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
