i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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