i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
