at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
