NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
