As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
