how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
