i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
