drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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