Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
farters have to be the big spoon...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
