ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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