i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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