Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
