you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
