I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
