Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
worst night to have a conscience
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
