i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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