Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
