Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
