Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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