I'm jealous of your bromance
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
