She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
