You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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