Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
