if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
