you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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