Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
