I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
