after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
