we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
