My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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