i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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