oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
