like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't deserve a penis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
