he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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