I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
