ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
